Well, i finally have Time to get back on DA and respond to your requests and favorite your manuplations. please give me a few days, or a month, to catch up an everything. hopefully there will be new photos up by next week or so. like i mentiojned before i have no camara anymore since my car accident almost a year ago, so photos will be delayed.

seems thats how i roll is with the ba d news these days.

well if you read the previous journal about gypsy being a seragant mom located here.. [link] you would know about Lacee and her cancer and my problems.

well as it turns out, i don't need to worrry about lacee and her baby anymore. an unexpetected turn took place. Lacee started colicing which is never good, even for a horse with cancer. shortley after the vet came out, she told us lacee twisted her intestines and there was little to no hope for her. she gave her an injection to ease the pain becuase the poor thing was having contractions at the same time as having a twisted gut. we waited for her to give birth with gypsy nearby ready as ever to be a mom.
well the baby finally came out and Lacee didnt have much life in her. we put her down seconds later. we ran the baby over to gypsy who was overly joyed to see it. she imidiatly laid down and started licking it all over and giving it life and feeding it. we were happy that the baby would survive even if Lacee was gone.
the baby was about 2 months pre-mature, he was small and helpless. he died minutes after his mother.

all right, random note before i sleep.. Gypsy might be a seregant mom! yay! now i will explain.

i came home from a camp last week, to find none other than my weirdo mare, feeding another mare.. weird? well i was right off pissed when i saw an 8 year old feeding a 5 year old, it just was not natural. so i sepreated gypsy once again from the heard. we think she might of started producing milk when Becca, a currently pregnant mare, moved into the barn in a pen by the rest of the horses. that probably set off some trigger in gypsys extreme motherly instincts to find a baby and feed it.

Anyway, one of my friends, Holly, heard about my misfourtune with gypsy. as i was nagging away at how my stupid horse was lactating, her smile got wider and wider. i wanted to slap her for it too. but Holly started explaining that her horse Lacy, a beautiful white arabian i think, was pregnant but unfortenatly under pregnancy had developed cancer that was growing at a fast rate. her milkbags wern't filling up becuase the cancer had already spread to them, and theres a good chance this lacy horse won't make it through birthing, and she definatly won't be able to feed the baby...
at first i was against the idea completely. i mean gypsys mine, and i don't want ot share her with anyone, expecially a foal. i hate foals and if she had one, even if it wasnt hers, that would equal no shows, no ribbons, no training, no summer for me.
but, i realized how much i make her scarifice for me. basically her life.. hehe. and thats what friends do for each other, they sacrifice. and she has amazing motherly instincts, shes pretending shes pregnant right now... so its probably for the best to save her sanity and this baby horses life... even if it does cut out on my fun.

so, Gypsy probably will be a seregant mom this summer, and i love the idea more and more every second i think of it. its almost to the point were i hope the other horse wont magically be able to feed the baby, becuase Gypsy really neeeds this one last chance at mother hood. her last baby was a miscarrige, before that, her baby geronimo was kicked and put to sleep, and Kamanchi, her like second foal, was feeding off of her for 2 years... so maybe if she gets one more chance to be a mom, she will stop being so damn physotic.

but this really has me thinking, if she wants to be a mom so much, why don't i just let her go.. go make babies and fill the world with stupid physcho horses... i don't know its got my heart torn. ill wait for summer to end before i decide if i will start breeding her. maybe after this one baby she can let go of all her dead baby memories.

anyway i still need a camara... anyone got any good brands, a camara they absulutely love? i need it to be able to take..
Macro
Sports (aka gypsy photos)
Portraits

thats about it please, any camara name can help.

All right first thing first. I am soo soo sorry to those of you who have used my pictures and I have not replied to you/ favorited you yet! I got like 538 unread messages. I am so far behind on my DA life! I love each of you who have watched me and eventually I will make it to your gallery. Summer break is coming up soon for me which means more time to do things that actually count towards my future.

Now, of course there is a reason for my leaving. I was kind of getting bored of DA and decided to take a few weeks off, to get some fresh air and stuff because the snow around here had finally melted. After school on Friday, May 19th I and about 3 or 4 friends were supposed to go to the mall and just hang out. Well every one of them ditched me besides Colleen. So colleen and I decided that the mall was over rated and went to the beach instead. Like always I had my camera with me and I was taking pictures of the gorgeous waves and colleen falling into the water. By the time we left we were completely soaked from pulling each other in. (p.s. that’s not how my camera broke) we were having so much fun.
So around 6:30 ish I guess we were done at the beach. I started to pull out of the parking lot and was waiting for the light to turn green for me (random note, my camera was around my neck like it always is). The road I was turning onto was a 5 lane highway and I was going straight onto 4 mile, which is wear I live. When the light turned green I waited for the left hand turn lane to go, I was watching a silver convertible be the last to leave the lane. I looked to my left, and saw a black car way off a ways, and then to the right and everyone had stopped, so I started to go across the road.

I couldn’t breathe, my vision was black. Everything didn’t make since. I started to panic, I just couldn’t figure out what happened.
“Amber, you need to breathe. Come on, breathe Amber. Just breathe...”

“Can you undo your seatbelt?”
“Can you reach the car keys?”
“We need to turn the car off, who can reach the keys?”
“Honey, undo your seatbelt.”

My hands fumbled in the dark searching for the keys, the seatbelt. Unconsciously I am following directions.

My eyes open and I see the clouds. There so pretty I think. I try to look around to see were my dream has taken me now. Out of the corner of my left eye I see a tire, hanging in mid air. Underneath is a car that it seems I am laying in. the window to the car is smashed. I can feel the glass slicing into my back. I look back behind me; someone must have grabbed my neck. I see the face of my neighbor holding me. She tells me this is not a dream.
Behind her are officers, one looks at me with the saddest eyes, he’s wearing a brown suit. Another one in a blue suit yells “ut out cones over here!”
I can hear sirens turning off as I try to look around. “Honey, you need to hold your head still.” Kathy says.
“Wait, was I in a car accident?” god I’m so stupid. Way to state the obvious, there’s an upside down jeep I’m laying in.
“What’s your name, were do you live?” my neighbor asks.
“I live on 4 mile” I say. “I’m your neighbor…”
She looks at me stupidly like I’m on crack. Then she suddenly realizes I’m not lying!

It was about that time that the paramedics started to arrive. I don’t even remember if I was special enough to get sirens or not. they were shouting order to each other and looking in the car behind me, trying to figure out if they could crawl through the tailgate or not. They kept looking behind me, asking “are you all right?” I kept telling them I was fine.
A voice behind me replied “yeah I’m fine, I’m just bleeding everywhere though”.
I felt so stupid; I forgot my friend colleen was in the car! And then I got pissed off, the bitch was getting blood all over my ceiling! So colleen and I talked for about 3 seconds, consisting of questions like “can you see my butt crack” and “do you know what time it is, I’m hungry”.
Suddenly a paramedic picked me up, I had a backboard shoved under me, and all the glass that was in the car was tearing through my back. I could feel it slicing me, I wanted to tell them to stop, but I decided to say I would see my friend in the hospital; hopefully we would get a room together.
As quick as they could I was held in a neck brace, strapped down, and sent to the ER. I have no clue if they drugged me or not, I was as loopy as hell and I can’t remember what I was saying at all.
The paramedic that stuck me with an I.V. was named Emily. And the driver was Roy. I told him to go faster and put the sirens on. Stupid paramedics never listen though.

When I got the hospital I was still on the adrenaline rush. I realized I was soaking wet. They were wheeling me down a long hallway. I can recall asking about my friend colleen, what room I was going to go into, and if they were going to cut off my clothes. I was watching the ceiling change and the wooden arches stretch across it. I told the paramedic I wanted to talk to the owner of this place, there needed to be posters on the ceiling so kids would have something to not freak out on.
When I got to my room, which was number 5. Emily or Erin or what ever the hell the paramedics name was said “bob, her stats are (shitload of numbers and words I can’t remember)
I couldn’t help it, I had to say something to nurse bob. “Hey bob, how are you doing?”
He peaked around Emily or Erin of the paramedic at me, and said in a slow off guard voice, “I’m good… what about you? Well look at you now! You never call, you never write, you never talk to me anymore, what’s up with that?”
If I ever have the change to talk to Mr. Nurse Bob, I would like to thank him for sticking around and calming me down, and taking the patience with me. all I was doing was cracking jokes.

So eventually my parents arrived and by that time I was having a British accent while talking to bob. He was awesome to get along with, one of those friendly out going people.
Some nurse took information from me and Tried to draw my blood. She went right through my vein. If the first time wasn’t bad enough, she did it again. I told her I would rather have bob do it. I felt bad, but the next place they were going was my wrist, and I love my wrists to much to have them poked and all bruised for 3 or 4 days.
My parents helped me undress and get sexy scrubs over me. I took off like all the machines they put me on before they could cut off my shirt, it was a Rammstein one and all hell would break loose if I lost it to scissors. I guess I made myself flat line and bob came running. I was like “go away bob, I’m not dead yet!”
The stupid nurse that tried to take my blood gave me a bracelet and blankets. The adrenaline was wearing off and I was freezing cold.

Anyway a really hot guy, at least he was hot from my view point, took me to x-ray. All I could think about was if I had shaved the night before, how my makeup looked, and how white my legs were. He had commented on the fact I had blood on my face and there was glass in my hair that shimmered, he like the shimmering hair.

Then I got to get a cat scan. By then I was dead sore and amazingly tired. I fell asleep while they scanned my head. They took me out and thought I was unconscious, half asleep I was like “no just tired….”
Anyway they found a Battery underneath my back. I was like “AWESOME!”

Anyway by then it was 8:30. I told my mom to go see how colleen was going considering it was 2 hours since the accident and her and my dad were arguing. My head hurt so bad, it was unbelievable. I felt like I was going to puke.
About the time my sister got to the hospital I was seriously on the verge of barfing. I told bob I didn’t feel good, and I wanted the F***** neck brace off so I could puke better.
Bob opened a drawer that had barf bags in them. Their not like the ones on the airlines though, they got a blue rung around the outside and are circle shaped. He pushed his hand into one and it went about to his elbow, and put it down on my stomach so it stuck right out. It looked like a giant condom…
“I said I needed to puke, not masturbate…” I told him. How it looked it was a giant condom. He wheeled around and my sister was on the ground crying, and my parents were telling me to watch my manners. I didn’t care though, he’s 23 and should know what masturbation is by now.
In a British accent, all serious, he said “sorry mam, terrible sorry.” And put it in my hand. Once he left I turned to my dad and said “hold” and proceeded to puke my guts out.

Once I woke up I had to barf again, so I told my dad to get another condom bag and I did a crap of dry heaves before I stopped. My chest hurt, everything hurt. My neck felt like it was broken. I wanted to cry my head off and get drugs on the stat. it was only 8:30. They told me I would get results soon.
I told bob my beck hurt really bad and he got me more x rays done. It turned out I had like major whiplash and 2 dislocated vertebras that kept pinching nerves or something and my ligaments were pulled and all bloody. Yay for internal bleeding

It wasn’t until 11 I saw colleen. They murdered her pants and told me that she was ok. By then I was to tired to really care, but I was happy to see her anyway.
It was 2 minutes to midnight I was deemed OK to go out of the hospital. They put me on darvastat for 2 days, free samples baby! And then on vikaten.


When I saw my jeep the next day I laughed at it. It was funny looking all dented and shit. I easily saw how I got a concussion and crap. But there was a huge bruise on my forehead I couldn’t explain until I looked in the back, I found my cameras body laying there, its lens detached and parts coming out of every witch way they could. All I could say was shit.. there goes my camera..

Amazingly the only thing the accident affected was my brain; a huge concussion does that though. The week after the accident I couldn’t stay awake for more than 4 hours. I fell asleep in my 2nd hour American lit class and when my teacher woke me up I was so sore, i couldn’t see straight and everything as blurred. I tried to walk out of the class but he said he would call the office. Luckily there was a broadcasting studio behind the class room so he basically carried me into there and I passed out. When I woke up I was at home. I got no clue how that one worked out yet. He told me I just got up and walked out of the room.. Interesting, walking zombie?

I’m getting physical therapy for my back and chest. I got a bruised tailbone, 2 out of place vertebras and pulled ligaments, but that’s all.


Anyway… message me if you got questions. Mentally I’m fine, not a damn thing wrong with my head right now. It was a fun experience. I was blacked out for the worst of it. In fact I was like 2 or 3 days later I started to drive again. Im adding pictures of my car to my scraps if you want to see it. I love comments by the way.


Anyway horse shows. I took gypsy to her first. She’s been having hoof problems but she’s better now. And I was having back issues anyway. Were both ok now. Perfectly fine.
In fact were so fine together we got 2 first places yesterday and 3 seconds at the show si si were special. But since I got no camera the only pictures I will be getting of my girl will be by my friend Shealyn.

to everyone. i know ive promised pictures, Ive promised a new board of all my watchers and Ive promised nerw things to everyone. But things have gotten hetic. Let me try to explain...

some of you may know i help rescue abused horses along side training gypsy, my first rescue horse. recently i have learned that some horses touch a special spot in your heart for no apperent reason. wether it be a look in there eye or the way they swing their tail. the simplest of gesters can pull your heart strings into them. i found a horse, nothing more of the usual case of neglect. he was from the amish, standing a fell 14 hands im guessing. yo ucould see his ribs and his winter fur was shedding out. he was afraid of other people, of being caught. of being alone. his hips were horrible but he still moved as if nothing was wrong.
day by day we grew closer. somehow he had pulled my heart strings as a simple horse. one i could truely see beauty in on the inside. he was nothing great to look at, a big nose and small eyes. but somehow he had found that spot inside me that makes me heart ache at every beat, a look of pleading for help.
i decided to name him Jake. he was my jakeypoo the one and only. he was only ten. he was like a shining star wavering in the moonlit sky. i was planning on keeping him. just as a companion. i taught him how to lick my hand and raise his hoof. how to speak and sing and flap his lips like a complete idiot. he was awesome and amazing. intenegent in every way
he had gained weight and been shedding, doing as a normal horse would. so it confuses me, the day he died.
i was riding gypsy when it must of happened, i had visited him only an hour before. when i went to put gypsy away i saw him laying on the ground. i even made a joke that poor jake had tired himself out by eating to much. i took gypsys tack off and went up to give him treats like i always did. but when i went to the gate, he was still there on the ground. i thought maybe he was sleeping so i called his name. he raised his head and whinnied to me as i walked in the gate. he tried to get up, but he just couldnt. he neighed deep and painful which sent me sliding on my knees to him. i called out to anyone to get Sue, the owner of the barn. i had his head in my lap i can still see that eye looking at me and that soft nicker of comfort that i was finally there. for 2 hours i held him knowing his foot had broken and he needed to be put down. but he wouldnt allow anyone else near him, he flared his legs to protect him and me when the man in white tried to rescue his diminished mind from complete insanity.
i had to get up and grab the needle filled with the fluid, so strange it seems to hold a liquid of death that looks like water. and so strange it is to hold the head of a dying horse, listening to its last peaceful breaths. it does not bring joy to me to know what i have done right or wrong. i have no peace at all. all i have is the images of him, resting at last on the corner of my lap. with his head slightly bent and eyes half open. his nosterils flaring for one last time. i pet his cheeck and watch a single tear flow off my nose and land onto him. it was the last time i ever touched his fur. the last time i will ever see my jake again unless its in photographs...


I promised i would never leave you,
for you were my one true shining star
but sometimes promises were ment to be broken
you had come along so far.
I'm sorry that i left you,
you are my one true shining star.



we buried him april 21st i do belive. and i cant say why im still upset. somethings just pull your heart strings and make your insides soar. and at the same time they terrorize you and pull you down into a world of seclusion and motonony. were all i want is to be isolated. i got nl clue. you dont have t oleave a comment really. i really dont want to hear "i had to put my horse down too" im sorry. but i just couldnt care right now. unless you want to tell a good story sometimes memoies help.
OOOOH i remember now why hes on my mind. his halter is now on gypsy. every time i see her i cry. im like NOOOOO! ermph. ill try to get jake pictures scanned on. if anyone wants t odraw him i will love you. i dont have any really good ones, just my usual.

oh, it also helps that i broke my camara this week. so no more new pictures of shows. its going to take 200 to fix it. and lets face it. its only worth 200. anyone got an amazing camara that i should get? im looking into cannons. i am quite partcial to zoom and removable lenses as well.